you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
