but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
