He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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