Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
