I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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