I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
