ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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