my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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