Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
