ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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