I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
