What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
