Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
