I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
