Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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