He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
