In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
