When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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