capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
