I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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