She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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