what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
