DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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