My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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