I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
