Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
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Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
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Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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