When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
