Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.