There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.