Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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