He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
