We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
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I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
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When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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