He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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