awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
