I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
