Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
