Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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