I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
