he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
