I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
