My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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