Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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