Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.