I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
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Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child