best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
