you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
