Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
