Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
