I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
