what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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