I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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