You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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