i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
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