The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
