If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
