Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
