god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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