I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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