i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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