I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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