Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.