then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
