Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
