after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
