Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
