Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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