Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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