idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
