you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
