i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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