Sry I called you an 8
your room smells of hookers.
And success
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
