Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
