Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Never underestimate the power of titties
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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